In this week’s automotive news you need to know: How will Toyota positionthe GR Corolla to ensure its success? The VW ID.3 GTX will eventually turn Vrrr-pahinto Vrrr-shh, the Ford Ranger of the week– yep, there’s another one– and how will you know a G-Class is heading towardsyouif you can’t hear it coming?

Corolla GR – Where to from here?

Withthe Toyota GR Yaris hype train showingno signsof slowing downany time soon, grown men are still speaking in squeaky voices when they regale tales of seeing one of the Japanese brand’s rally-bred machines in public. I know, becauseI am one of thosemen. Given the hoopla that’s beencreated,anything succeeding the GR Yaris will be expected to be a giant-killer too. That means that a GR Corolla could be a match for the Mercedes-AMG A45 S, but no one in South Africawould ever buy one for the kind of money that canpurchasea 2-bedroom Balwin Properties apartment in Joburg North.

> Read more:Toyota GR Corolla for 2022?

But let’s forget about the GR Yaris for the moment. It’s more likely that Toyota will produce aGR Corolla that is a lava-hot front-wheel-drive hatch to rival the Hyundai i30 N, Renault Megane RS Trophy and, if I dare say so, Volkswagen Golf 8 GTI. Toyota’s the one brand with enoughcachet to poach buyers who haverealisedthat the VW has become too refined, which is a more diplomatic adjective than boring.

VW ID.3 GTX – From Vrrr-pah!to Vrrr-shh!

The news that Volkswagen will produce the ID.3 GTX – the performance-oriented version of the brand’s electric premiumhatchback – has me all confuddled as to how VWSA will eventually (have to) bring GTI owners out of thetrance they’vebeen put in. I don’t envyVWSA,they’ve made their bed with the on-point Vrrr-pah! marketing campaignfor the Golf 8 GTI and, well, ICE engines are responsible for producing those unmistakable pops. What will they use for ID.3 GTX… Vrrr-shh!? Dad jokes aside, it may be a little too much for the masses to accept; riots may break out whenVrrr-pah!is officially retired.

> Read more:Fast Volkswagen ID.3 GTX Hot Hatch for Production

Spare a thought for the after-market community as well. Tuners must be having nightmares about the post-ICE age; they will one day have to reposition their businesses’ core offerings if theycan no longer slap on a Stage 2 map and de-catto generate the kind of cracklethat enhancesstreet cred. We may need to go back to the original ICE (in-car entertainment)… kicker square 12-inch subs and all, cuzzie.

EQG – Achtung, baby!

For those stay-at-home momswho have a predilection for illegally double parking their G-Wagons (while they flit between Pilates classes and those all-important micro-blading appointments) or that trust-fund sponsored start-up founder who’s late for the meeting with his VC (ahem,his dad) who usesabout equal parts of street and pavement to moorhis blocky AMG behemoth, I fear for the safety of all pedestrians when the Mercedes-Benz G-Classgoes full electric. As a respectable citizen of an affluent suburb (relax, I flew in under the radar), where the G-Wagon per capita rate is about 1:5, I have come to relyon the characteristic growl of the Affalterbach division’s V8 to warn me that aG-Glass is approaching in my direction– it givesme just about enough time to quickly get out of the Benz’spath.

> Read more:Mercedes-Benz EQG is the future of Gelandewagen

Once the G-Glass is battery-powered, I’ll have to rely solely on tyre noise and blaring car phone conversations (in those heavy Sandton accents) to warn me. The G-Wagon– an off-roading legend that morphedinto a fashion accessory/gratuitous expression of wealth – has always been a hit for Mercedes-Benz.You can be sure that Stuttgart’s finest will keep that premium status alive with the EQG.

Ford Ranger Brand Fatigue – Another Day, another Ranger

I’ve lamentedbrands succumbing to derivative fatigue many times before. It’s like an endless obsession to bolster returns on investment; it makesthe boardroom happy/ierand the customer base… well, tired. It’s becoming like those washed-outDJs from the 90s who tryto stay relevant byhaving producers churn out extended remixes of old songs. Enough already. The moment to shine has passed.

> Read more:Ford Ranger Splash, Because Why Not?

But to play devil’s advocate… I must remind everyone, including myself, that anOEM is ultimately a business – not a charity. Sure, we always want something new and exciting, but that’s not always viable and these minor iteration changes are to be expected as manufacturers squeeze out as much profit as they can. Whether that translates into sales, well, the numbers never lie, so just skip to the next track.