Sure, the protestors who have filled the streets all summer with their anti-racism, anti-fascist message say they aren’t a well-regulated secret force on the payroll of the Democratic party. But they would say that, wouldn’t they! Luckily, one reportedly drunk Portland man who ran his truck up a utility pole in front of a local convenience store moments after he was denied more alcohol knows the score. His eyes are wide open, even if everything looks wavy and the ground won’t stop moving.

Andrey Blashishin was arrested under suspicion of DUI Wednesday evening after suspending his truck from a guy-wire — that tensioned cable making sure the utility pole stays put — in front of a Plaid Pantry in southeast Portland, according to :

A pickup rode up the side of a power pole Wednesday after crashing on Southeast Foster and 65th.

The driver jumped down from the cab and took off.

People who live nearby said he was ranting about Antifa at a convenience store and then he drove off at a high rate of speed.

“The word around the neighborhood is that some dude was already hammered, went into a Plaid Pantry to get booze, went into a racist tirade, said that we were all Antifa and starting fires and then apparently gunned it out of the parking lot and ran right up the cables,” said Lauren Gardner.

Investigative journalist and podcast host Robert Evans, who is diligently covering the protests in Portland, happened to be running errands in the area when he came across the scene. Blashishin had been denied service in the convenience store, as he was already apparently drunk while attempting to buy more beer. Evans tweeted that witnesses claimed the driver even blamed the crash on antifa agents, rather than his own dumbassery:

I bet those guy-wires were put there by antifa commandos specifically to catch red-blooded patriotic American drunk drivers. What will those crafty antifa supersoldiers and pyromaniacs think of next? I’m sure you’ve all heard the chants on the news, “Down with fascists, up with power line poles.” It’s all so clear now! I bet if I also polished off a case of Miller High Life in a single afternoon the pieces would really fall into place.

When the driver of the truck made a run for it, it was Portland police and not antifa who later caught up with him and charged Blashishin with DUI, reckless driving and failure to perform the duties of a driver. Honestly, the entire antifa narrative is hilarious. I love that paranoid conspiracy theorists think Democrats are organized enough to have some vast shadowy network of operatives rather than being the doofuses who four years ago lost the election to a barely coherent former reality show host.