I’ll tell you what I thought the first time I laid eyes on the : It was so damn plain! “WHERE IS ALL THE CARBON FIBER!?” I bellowed at the clouds. “HOW WILL EVERYONE KNOW THAT IT IS SPORTY?” And the BMW gods, forever listening for people clamoring to spend money, answered.

The BMW accessories department is now offering a range of M Performance parts for X5 drivers to pull themselves out of the dull dreariness of regular X5-dom before the X5 //////M comes out. Exterior carbon fiber components include an air intake trim, rear diffuser, mirror caps and side sill foils.

Plus wheels! Let us not forget about the wheels and tires. They are 20-inches and matte black, with a colored ////////M logo on them, despite the car not being an /////////////M. Wrapped in all-terrain tires, this is the option that tells the world that you don’t let a little rough terrain get the best of you, no sir!

Of course, if you want wheels that are LARGER and IN CHARGER, then you can always go up by two inches and get the 22-inch alloy wheels. BMW says that these wheels are about 2.2 pounds lighter than another wheel of the same size because of the way they are made.

But the weight saving doesn’t stop there, oh no. The M Performance sport brakes with aluminum calipers are lightweight and painted red, which everyone knows is the color that brakes the hardest.

Inside, the sportiness just refuses to let up. You can get an M Performance steering wheel, shift paddles with M Performance finish, floor mats, pedal pads, a footrest and additional leather detailing. No pricing for the parts was announced at this time, though.

Man, all this M Performance is exhausting. I think I shall park my 2019 X5 with all of its sporty trim in the driveway and go inside for a nap.