As we are all very likely aware, the real winner of this whole Coronavirus Pandemic nightmare is the plucky videoconferencing company Zoom, a company that conveniently came out of nowhere to somehow become the only method most of us have to see other live, human faces. Hmmmm. Also, they let you swap out your background of your video feed, so here, let us help and give you some truly Jalop-appropriate backgrounds to use! We’re helping!

Now, my computer can’t hack these, since my Z80 CPU is mildly out-of-date, but if you have a slightly more modern machine, you can pop these in and convince everyone you’re not in your sleeping litter of old food wrappers, laundry, and blankets that once was your couch, but are instead in some situation ideally-suited for your Jalop-identity.

These backgrounds aren’t just your favorite car slapped behind you like some Countach poster in a 1980s middle-schooler’s room: you want something that really feels like a background, a convincing backdrop that conveys an alternate sense of place.

Lovely car pictures you can find anywhere. We want to give you Jalop-appropriate environments. Here, it’ll make sense, as each background will have a clear theme, or scene.

I’m sure you’ll find one perfectly suited to your needs; they’re titled according to the situation or persona you may wish to convey:

I’m calling from in front of my Jeep, which is currently on fire

Hello from the side of the road where I’m broken down and it’s getting cold and I’m so very hungry and tired

I was stupid and didn’t use jackstands and now I’m pinned under this rusty shitbox and am in a great deal of pain

Hi, glad to be here, I’m in the driver’s seat of a Yugo and it’s not starting

Good to see everyone, I’ve escaped my family and am hiding in the driver’s seat of a Nissan Pao

I hope I’m not late, I live in the world of Spy Hunter and time moves strangely here

The bathroom at my mechanic’s garage was the only quiet place I could find for this meeting

I’ve just had a wreck in my 8-bit automobile and could sure use some help, after this meeting, as my head hit the windshield

I promise I’ll be more attentive once I finish changing this oil

I’m trapped in my engine bay but it’s cool let’s just do this meeting and I’ll figure it out afterwards

Don’t mind me, just having drinks with two people who no longer work at Jalopnik and that weird one you said makes you uncomfortable

I’ve left reality and now live among the Figaros. Are we starting the meeting?

There you go. I hope you find these useful!

(btw, it was our own Justin Westbrook who decided we needed Zoom backgrounds for people, starting with the filthy bathroom, so thanks, JW)