If you’ve been wondering why there’s a strange yet palpable excitement in the air — and why there seems to be a shortage of raccoons and woodchucks around — don’t panic! It’s good news!

Based on the complex team of warlocks and sorceresses use to figure things out, . It seems the McRib hasn’t had a nationwide release since 2012, which is why this is news, with a capital ews. This level of McRib-focus is also why I was forced to realize something: I think you can make it into a car.

Now, let’s settle down here: Just like the meat xylophone we call a McRib isn’t really rib meat (it’s , and probably eyelids and anuses and other pork cuttings), the “car” made from the McRib isn’t, of course, a real car.

What it is, however, is just as significant: I think it represents the best representation of a car that one can make just by re-arranging the elements of any fast-food sandwich.

This occurred to me when I noticed that the McRib, uh, patty has a sort-of grille-like appearance. Coupled with the pickle slices and sliced onion and some bun re-working, I felt a plausible car front could be constructed:

Of course, this was just a drawing; to really know, I’d need to prove it, empirically. I needed to try this with a real McRib.

Thankfully, I was able to do just that. A quick peek on the found me a nearby McRib source (after a few failed trips to various M-Crib dealers) and I soon held America’s most periodic sandwich:

Can these elements be re-arranged — with absolutely minimal alteration to those elements — into something automotive-looking? Let’s see:

Hmmm. COMPUTER! Zoom and enhance! Eliminate extraneous background elements! Swap that pickle for the other one we found in the box! EXECUTE!

Holy shit. Yes, yes, I think it can! Let’s add just a few explanatory lines just to sell it:

Dear God. They should have sent a poet.

I regret only that I had to bisect the lower bun to make the tires, but that’s the full extent of modifying the elements.

I think that main patty works remarkably well as a grille, and if you flip it the other way, perhaps Fiat owners could use them to replace their grille-slashes:

Wow. I’m pretty impressed with the flexibility of the McRib now. I wonder if McDonald’s would consider serving these in car-format, in special display boxes.

What a glorious world we live in.