I’ve never thought much of a key, and why would I? It’s just a tool for accessing a vehicle. That is until last Friday. That’s the day I was shown there is another world of car keys. Ladies and gentlemen, the Bentley Bentayga key is the greatest fob ever created by an automotive brand – or any brand really.

Guys, I mean it’s just perfect. It has ruined all other keys for me. The Bentayga is a nice thing in itself, and I’ll discuss it in much more detail in the coming days, but the key is just second to none. Everything you can get on a Bentayga you can also get in some other vehicle – but not the key. The car was picked up on Tuesday, and I miss the car already. However, I miss the key even more. I’m looking at my own keys – for the Z4 and Explorer – and they just don’t compare. It’s not close. It isn’t fair. I want that key for everything.

If you’ve gotten this far into my weird rant, you’re probably wondering what makes the Bentayga key so special. Well, it’s more than just one thing. I’ll break it down for ya.

The first thing you notice about Bentley’s key upon holding it is the fact it is heavy. It’s a solid piece of something. I don’t know exactly what they put into it to make it feel like that, but it sure as hell works. For science, I weighed the key on a Weight Watchers scale I had in my kitchen.

The Bentayga key weighs 87 grams. Now, compare that to BOTH my Explorer and Z4 keys. Combined, they came in at just 81 grams. It’s preposterous in all the best ways. Much like the Bentayga itself, the key felt like it was made from one solid piece of granite.

After your brain processes the weight of the key, the second thing it will notice is how nice it feels to the touch. The piano black plastic on the front gives a premium and sleek look (that the interior black plastic doesn’t). The real amazing touch points, however, are the sides of the key. Knurled metal of some sort adorns both sides, and oh my God does it feel nice. You feel like the most important person in the world when you run your index finger on your knurled metal key. You paid money for that, man. Not even a Range Rover or Rolls Royce has knurling on the key.

All the buttons have a definite click to them – letting you know that your action was met with a reaction. There’s no squishy membrane here. You click something, the key is letting you know. That brings me to something else I adored – a little easter egg. If you look at the trunk popper button, you’ll notice that the car pictured is, in fact, a Bentayga. It’s not just some generic vehicle. As our papa Doug DeMuro pointed out in his video of the Bentayga, the Continental GT’s key has a picture of that car on it. Attention to detail, man. Gotta love it.

The final – and possibly most noticeable thing – about the Bentayga key is on the back. There’s a huge Bentley ‘B’ logo, surrounded by a silver ring that reads BENTLEY on the top and bottom of it. That’s to let everyone know that you are indeed better than them when the key is sitting out somewhere. You drive a Bentley, and goddammit everyone should know it. It’s so perfectly ostentatious. I love it.

Just as a side note, the starter button in the Bentayga is also very, very perfect. But, it should be. It has a lot to live up to with a key this good.

In my five days with the Bentayga, I found myself foregoing using the keyless entry on the door handles, instead opting to use the key itself.

That’s how good the Bentayga’s key is. It made me forget about a superior technology (keyless entry vs. a key) because I liked using it so much. If that isn’t love, then I don’t know what is.