I’ll freely admit that, not only am I not anywhere near the target market for a Mercedes-Maybach S-Class, I’m probably not welcome to be even physically near one, should that chance pairing actually occur. So, with that in mind, it may simply be that my opinion here has as much value as a subscription to the Utne Reader would have to a sea cucumber. I get that. That said, I also have to be honest and say that new Maybachs look like Mercedes that have had the decanted onto them.

Since I’m not someone who routinely seeks out Maybachs, I saw the one that got me thinking by chance on Mercedes-Benz’ Twitter feed:

When I first saw the image, I thought maybe someone was joking around, having Photoshopped a bunch of stick-on chrome crap to a fancy Mercedes. I was half-wrong, though, because the stick-on chrome crap wasn’t Photoshop, it’s real, and the someone is Mercedes-Benz themselves.

In fact, Mercedes has plenty of press photos of this same car:

Am I miserable philistine, or does this thing look ridiculous? I’m all for many of the elements seen here, like a two-tone paint job and intricate detailing, but there’s something about the overall look of this thing that

Remember that thing? I get that one is an absurd display of excess by slapping on any shiny thing you can find and the other is a 1985 Chrysler Executive with a whole catalog of mail-order crap on it, but did you see what I did there?

In the end, it still looks like a sedan with the same general shape as a new Hyundai Elantra, just bigger and with more shit on it.

I’m sure this $200,000+ car is amazing and comfortable and sublime and has a V12 and power everything and NVH that could put a hyena into a comfortable slumber and all that crap, but I can’t shake the fact that when I look at it, my first impulse is to laugh, not be awed.

Even those fake instruments on the LCD dash look dopey. It looks like an old WinAmp skin with a “steampunk” theme, or something.

Were I to spend that kind of money on a car, I’d want something that felt elegant and sublime, not something that seeks to scream how rich the people inside are by trying to dazzle them with shiny crap like we’re all magpies or something.

If this is the sort of goofy thing that rich people are expected to want, I’ve never been more okay with being a broke-ass dipshit.