You know what we have a lot of in America? Pickup trucks. You know what else we have a lot of? Drag strips. Most general-use pickup trucks, though, only get to drag strips in a worker’s capacity, towing drag cars or ferrying spectators. But why shouldn’t the hardworking trucks get to have some fun? There should be a type of drag racing that celebrates a truck’s virtues, which is why I’d like to propose the concept of Moving Day Drag Racing.

The idea behind Moving Day Drag Racing is simple: make a drag event that turns a truck’s greatest ability—hauling shit—into a fun sport. Here’s what I’m thinking:

You’ll need a normal drag strip, two pickup trucks, and lot of bulky crap. I’m thinking a drag strip could partner with a local landfill or thrift store to get a supply of old furniture, rolled up carpets, mattresses, boxes of crap, old CRT televisions, whatever.

The crap is piled, in two roughly equal-sized piles, about 20 feet behind each truck on the drag strip, just behind the starting line.

Each truck has a team of two people. One driver, one helper. When the race starts, there will be a signal—green light on the strip’s or an air horn or something similar, and at that moment the clock starts, and both teams have to begin to load all the crap into their respective truck.

Each team only has three bungee cords to secure the load, so they have to pack and think carefully. If the load is insecure or anything falls out during the race, that team is immediately disqualified.

The volume of the crap in the trucks will be classed based on bed length, as every bed will be filled to near-capacity. The objects will be bulky and awkward as well, making this a real challenge to get everything packed securely and as quickly as possible.

Once the crap is loaded and secured, driver and helper have to enter their truck, buckle up, and take off, driving as fast as possible, but also not so fast that they upset the load of crap and cause it to spill out of the truck.

This is going to be tricky, as the urge will be to take off as hard and fast as possible, but unless that load is really secure, that will likely lead to falling objects and disqualification.

Once going, though, it’s an old-school drag race, seeing who can cover that quarter-mile fastest.

I think these races could be a blast. I’m sure people will try all kinds of crazy things to give themselves an advantage, like super-sticky bedliners, but that will likely make loading slower and harder, so I think even suspect methods like that won’t really help.

I think what will work is practice, and getting really good with your partner when it comes to loading and securing the crap in the truck bed. I can see teams working really well together, and getting a bed filled and secured in, like, 20 seconds or so, and then tearing ass down the strip.

What’s especially great about Moving Day Drag Racing is that normal, everyday, useful working trucks are what will do best; crazy lifted trucks or expensively modded racing trucks won’t necessarily give huge advantages here, and some modifications, like extreme lifts, are really a liability.

So, what drag strip will be the first to attempt this bold experiment? You know it’ll be fun, and there’s millions of potential competitors!

Who’s with me?