You're Mormon, have a Napoleon complex or travel with a posse. You subscribe to the belief that it's both about the size of the boat and the motion of the ocean. You crave the most comfortable way to get from A to B, not the quickest; your seven friends and their dogs feel the same way. You want other drivers to change lanes instantly when you pull up behind them. You never want anyone to turn left on yellow in front of you. You dig how the giant chrome wheels create cool blacktop reflections as you roll. You need the 6,000+ lbs. tax dodge. You're homeless.

Three-ton cars are absurd; I've lived in smaller apartments. Ginormous SUVs are as early 2000s as the word "ginormous." Parking spots were not painted with the EL in mind. The unequal distribution of our planet's resources keeps you up nights. You hate having to shell out $80 at the pump every three days. Regardless of your actual needs, others will wonder why you need something so large. You don't like being laughed at. You will be laughed at.

· Speed Merchants: No

· Fashion Victims: No

· Treehuggers: No

· Mack Daddies:

· Tuner Crowd: No

· Hairdressers: No

· Penny Pinchers: No

· Euro Snobs: No

· Working Stiffs: No

· Technogeeks: No

· Poseurs: No

· Soccer Moms:

· Nascar Dads:

· Golfing Grandparents: No

· Manufacturer: Ford

· Model tested: Expedition EL 4x4

· Model year: 2007

· Price as Tested: $50,150

· Engine type: 5.4L 3-Valve V8

· Horsepower: 300 hp @ 5000 rpm

· Torque: 365 lb-ft @ 3750 rpm

· Redline: 6250 rpm

· Wheels and Tires: 20" Aluminum wheels w/ P55/255

· Drive type: four-wheel drive

· 0 - 60: Come on

· 1/4 mile: No, really

· Fuel economy city/highway: From Ford's website, "Due to weight and vehicle classification, Expedition EL versions are not tested in EPA cycle"

· Observed fuel economy: 15.6mpg

· NHTSA crash test rating front/side/rollover: NA

Related:

Jalopnik Reviews: 2007 Ford Expedition EL, , [internal]

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