About a week ago, Porsche released a press release talking about all the new jobs that were being added to build the Taycan, and to make their point that the switch to EV does not necessarily mean loss of jobs. That’s great and all, but I was most struck by one key detail from that release: That sounds weird, right?

Here’s the relevant quote, emphasis mine:

The recruitment is accompanied by the largest qualification offensive in the company’s history. Since February 2019, all Taycan production employees have been trained for their new jobs in temporary qualification halls and other training centres specially constructed. For this purpose, there are 45 different training plans with a training duration ranging from one month to six months.

Now, I get that it’s their company and they get to make up their own names, but we’ve seen what they’ve done to the word “,” so maybe we, as speakers of languages, have a right to intervene here.

The problem with Porschean is that it just doesn’t sound right. Should you pronounce it so it sounds like “portion,” or do you try and pronounce Porsche properly so it sounds like “Porsh-uh-ean,” which sounds weird, too.

Also, if anything, I’d say Porschean is more like an adjective that would describe things that were Porsche-like. “Look at that Porschean vacuum cleaner”, for example. “Your air-cooled hat makes you look very Porschean.”

I think we can come up with something better. Here’s some options to get us started:

• Porschicans

• Porschenards

• Porschelings

• Porschen

• Porschevolk

• Porschekin

• Porschebyterians

I’m sure you can come up with even better options, and I encourage you to. If we come up with something we like, I’ll exert my considerable influence and demand Porsche implement our preferred nomenclature, immediately.