Now that the idea of going to parties again is becoming a possibility, here in the sandalwood-scented year of 2021 there are three kinds of people you should be terrified of being trapped in a conversation with: me, wild-eyed QAnon types, and people really, really into Bitcoin or Dogecoin or other cryptocurrencies. For me, I’m just going to talk about taillights until you cry, from rage and boredom, and QAnon people are just going to try to get you to rescue the babies they think are trapped in public mailboxes, but the crypto dudes, oh man, they’re never going to let up. That’s why there’s a company, , that’s planning on making an EV that mines Bitcoin when parked. Ugh.

Can you just imagine what a conversation with someone who pulls up in a high-tech three-wheeled EV that mines Dogecoin would be like? It’d be hell. Absolute hell. You’ll want to chew off your own brainstem. And if you think the person who would own something like this and not tell you about it so forcefully and unrelentingly you want to turn yourself into a singularity and blip out of existence, then you’re delusional.

So, as a warning, here’s what these dead-eyed bastards at Daymak have planned for the Daymak Spiritus, a three-wheel EV that comes in two versions at each extreme end of the pricing spectrum: a $19,995 one that goes 0-60 in 6.9 seconds and has a 180 mile range, or a $149,000 one that goes 0-60 in 1.8 seconds, and has a range of 300 miles.

As you likely guessed, the differences are battery size (75 kW vs 147 kW) and motor (one vs. three).

The general look of the cars is about the same across that vast range, and it is pretty cool looking: a small two-seat little spaceship-looking thing, all wedges and flaps and intakes, with a pair of low-set, big round lights.

The car I actually think is pretty cool, and I’ll be very curious to see if it makes it to market, along with other stylish three-wheel EVs like the .

The eye-rolling bit is the cryptocurrency part:

Effective today, Daymak is accepting Spiritus pre-order payments in a multitude of cryptocurrencies including Doge, Ethereum, Cardano, and Bitcoin, making it one of the first LEV manufacturers to do so. Every Spiritus vehicle will be a node on the Blockchain, and will include Daymak Nebula Miner and Nebula Wallet. Daymak Nebula technology makes Daymak Spiritus the first car in history with mining hardware and cryptocurrency technology programmed into the user interface. As an emission-free daily driver with solar charging capabilities, Nebula infrastructure turns Daymak’s Spiritus vehicles into environmentally-friendly crypto miner nodes, which is an unprecedented milestone in the rapid evolution of blockchain technologies.

So, Daymak will have the necessary computational hardware to mine cryptocurrencies when parked and charging in some way, either plugged into a charger, trickle charger, or, they claim, getting some charge from a roof-mounted solar panel.

The software that handles this is called , and your car can mine crypto and somehow turn coal into electricity into data into money via whatever the hell these cryptomining things do, and you somehow get this almost-money, and they have a “wallet” thing where they say you can use the money your car makes to pay tolls or charging fees, or whatever.

All of this shit is so far removed from anything I’ve ever desired in a car that I don’t know what to think. Is it good? Maybe? If you’re willing to believe a whole bunch of crypto-related shit, I guess so?

Is there something indefinably annoying and unsettling about every single bit of this? Absolutely.

So far, it seems these cars only exists as renders and ideas, though a body-less chassis mule appears to be real enough. Maybe they’ll actually have a car by 2023. And maybe, somehow, using this car to mine cryptocurrencies will prove sensible and not cost more in electricity than you actually make solving all of those math problems to get a tiny fraction of a bit of made-up currency (I know all currency is made up, but I know lots more places that take made-up dollars than Ethereum), the value of which can be made or broken by some offhand bullshit Elon Musk decides to tweet.

Daymak sure seems to think this is a big deal. This is from their press release:

“Daymak is infusing cryptocurrency with the Spiritus product offering from the ground up. From the moment the customer orders the car, all the way until it is driven to a destination that accepts cryptocurrency payments, Spiritus and crypto will go hand-in-hand.

“We are also working with a variety of exchanges to offer leasing payments via crypto. This is yet another aspect of crypto integration in which the Daymak Spiritus is pioneering,” elaborated Baiocchi. “In addition to all the other exciting tech in the car, like the Daymak Ondata wireless charger and the Ionix AI battery system, the Daymak Nebula platform is yet another technology breakthrough that makes the Spiritus one of the most advanced cars in history. This technology will be available for licensing to other electric vehicle manufacturers as well.”

Honestly, I’m not sure I’ve ever desired a new automotive innovation less. So, you know, way to go, Daymak!