I’d normally say something about how a goofy frivolous thing like this is good Friday content, but in this strange, undifferentiated-scenery world of lockdownitude, is Friday even a viable concept anymore? Does anything still matter? Sure, all kinds of things still matter, but that also means goofy frippery like this stupid chart matters, too. At least a little. Whatever, it’ll be fun. Here we go.

I was seeing a bunch of these kinds of stupid charts making their way around the various medias social, where a series of arbitrary questions about yourself are translated into some kind of criteria, say, to describe a hypothetical movie.

I figured there’s no reason, no damn reason at all, why this same absurd formula couldn’t be applied to cars! So, this happened:

To use this, just go through the chart, pick your answers, and find out what criteria about your personal car they describe. For the name part, pick a name based on the category that you fit into, and add the year of your birth as the year of the car.

It’s fun, right? Maybe? It’s even better if one person asks a friend the questions, and then tells them what car they are. That’s because the answers should be based on the question, not the automotive criteria the answer is tied to, because, as you know, we all have our biases and preferences there. So try to answer honestly.

Oh, and if you get rotary, translate the cylinders into rotors, and if you get electric motor, you can ignore the cylinders part.

If you’re curious, for me, if I go through the chart, it turns out my car is a

1971 Brazilian shooting brake with a front-mid mounted flat-twin driving the rear wheels, called the (after the Kyrgyz sport of goat carcass polo) that’s fun to drive but has kind of shitty build quality.

Damn, I’m so old.

Anyway, figure out your cars and put them in the comments so we can all enjoy!