It’s come to my attention that most Americans don’t live within easy walking distance of a Bugatti dealership. I was surprised to hear this, as I was just about certain that the Hyundai/Kia dealership near me also sold Bugattis, but it turns out I had them confused with Mitsubishi. The guy on the phone said this happened all the time, but usually he could put potential Chiron buyers into a new Outlander, so he really didn’t mind. Anyway, it seems like most people have not seen the window sticker on a new Chiron, a problem I’m about to solve for you.

(We’re taking today to celebrate a day on which we celebrate the emancipation of Black people who were held as slaves in the United States. We will be celebrating, but we will also be taking time to reflect on the history and legacy of slavery, as well as the ongoing structural, institutional and systemic anti-Black racism that continues to be a defining characteristic of the United States today.)

It seems our own Editor-In-Chief Rory Something will be driving one of these soon in Connecticut, one of America’s Strategic Wealth Preserves, and before they let him into one they sent him all kinds of information on where he needs to go to get deloused and that sort of thing. They also included the sticker for the 2021 Bugatti Chiron Pur Sport Hatchback DX:

Oh, I guess they don’t use the “Hatchback DX” in there after all. Huh.

This window sticker is a remarkable thing to see; I think it’s likely one of the highest-dollar window stickers you can find, totaling a brain-injuring $3,959,000.

That’s, uh, that’s a lot of fucking money.

Let’s see how that breaks down: the car starts at $3,599,000 for the base model Chiron Pur Sport, which I have to assume has steelie wheels and unpainted black bumpers and mirrors, and then there are “options” that cost as much as a nice home in most parts of the country, $360,000.

Let’s see how that $360,000 breaks down here:

So there’s an $80,000 paint option, that seems to be mostly exposed carbon fiber and Alcantara, though I don’t see any floor mats.

As an aside, I decided to see what the options were for Bugatti Chiron floor mats, and while Bugatti’s site was no help, I was thrilled to see this on an aftermarket floor mat maker’s site:

You really have to appreciate the boundless optimism of whoever coded that floor mat company’s database of car makes and models to include an entry for a 2021 Bugatti Chiron. I wonder how many times that’s been searched.

The $220,000 “Pur Sport split” option, also roughly the cost of a home in which one could live and raise a family, is what it costs to make the car sort of two-tone, with exposed dark carbon fiber on the lower third of the car.

Curb feelers are not included.

The Standard Equipment box is interesting, in that it includes the power and torque numbers for the engine (1479.5 HP, 1180 pound-feet of torque) and the top speed, listed here as 261 mph. I don’t top speed is usually included on a window sticker say, a Nissan Versa Note.

You get a seven-speed DSG gearbox, you know, like the one you can get on a SEAT Leon. There’s all the usual stuff most premium cars come with today: nav, automatic climate control, Bluetooth, and so on, and you do get SiriusXM satellite radio, but only a four year subscription.

Four years? For a four million dollar car? Come on, Bugatti, stop being such cheapskates. Spring for some lifetime subscription deal. This is why you’re losing buyers to Mitsubishi.

Also interesting is the required EPA fuel economy section.

This thing isn’t great on gas, so if you’ve been cross-shopping Chirons and Priuses, I think you likely know what your call will be. Eight miles per gallon in the city, 13 on highway, for a combined rating of 10—yeesh, what is this, 1974? Is there a carburetor in there?

Still, these numbers might not really be all that fair or representative of Chiron ownership. It’s estimating that you’d pay $17,000 more in fuel costs than the average car, but

Now, here’s the problem. As our own Raph Orlove pointed out to me, no Chiron owner is driving these things 15,000 miles per year. I’m not sure any modern Bugatti has been driven 15,000 miles in one year.

, which seems a much more probable number, at least for new Bugattis. Maybe someone out there has a salvage-title 2016 Chiron with a bad transmission and no door glass they found on Craigslist they’re road-tripping in, but I think that’s unlikely.

So, if we use much more Chiron-probable numbers of 2,500 miles per year and SoCal premium gas prices of $4.20/gal, and at 10 mpg that’s 250 gallons, that’s $1,050 for gas, per year. For five years that comes to $5,250, which is $2,250 than the average five-year fuel cost of $7,500.

So, really, the Chiron is a penny-pincher’s dream!

See, that’s why it pays to really look over these things for yourself; I had a very different view of the Chiron before we dug into the window sticker. Now I think those people that choose the Outback over it are fools!

Fools!