Look, I know it’s about to be the big celebration where everything shuts down because the calendar flips the page to January, but before you run out to likely not be with your extended family, I just wanted to grab you and talk about this weird Datsun brochure. So, here, have a seat — you take the beanbag. Don’t worry about why it’s so damp, it’s always like that.

I saw this ad first via a computerized tweet from , who tends to post — well, if you can’t guess, I’m going to have to ask you to maybe lie down:

OK,we’ve got a lovely 1968 brochure for Datsun’s kicky-looking little fastback, the 1000 Coupe. Somewhat unusually, this one seems targeted at women buyers. There’s some odd stuff here on the detail page that I really like, so let’s look closer.

First, I feel seen regarding this:

Yes, taillights are called out as an element to be appreciated, and noted as being “smart-looking” and “clearly visible,” traits I not only seek out in my taillights but expect of myself, too.

This part is my favorite, though:

A “dignified rear emblem!” Hot damn, finally! Think what those poor bastards in must go through, right?

If you’re so thick as to not realize what a dignified emblem means, then you’re in luck, because the brochure spells it out for you, dummy: it means you own a distinguished car. Fuck yeah, you do.

I’d like to think at some point, a Datsun 1000 Coupe driver encountered some lowlife mocking their ride, and they grabbed the sonofabitch by the hair and yanked their head down within inches of that emblem, whereupon the ne’er-do-well would, faced with this evidence of dignity, be forced to recant, loudly.

Now, this one I found interesting:

I find it interesting because the fuel-filler-behind-the-license-plate trick is something that I’ve almost exclusively associated with American cars; this may be the first non-American car I’ve seen with this setup, and I also think it’s the first I’ve seen with a locking behind-the-plate filler.

So, yeah, lots to process here.

Then there’s how the curved window glass is described as seeming to “give you a loving embrace.” This isn’t really the kind of language we see in car ads anymore, and, well, I’m gonna just come out and say it, that’s a shame.

What happened to us? Are we so insecure that we can’t admit that, sometimes, we all may want—no, need—a loving embrace from our little fastback one-liter cars?

I’m not ashamed to admit it. Come at me.

I’m no Datsun 1000 Coupe door glass, but consider this my way of sending you all such an embrace.