It's Friday, and what better way to end the week than with a 1994 Escort from FORD. And wants you to know that stands for lying ver oads emonically.

Yesterday's hooned its way into the hearts of 76% of you, proving that Walmart is more than a store, it's a state of mind. Today's car is all-wheel-drive like that quirky Subamino, but that's where the similarities end.

When creating the Simpson's characters, Matt Groening named Bart from an anagram of Brat-…

Rare in the world, and rarer still here, from sea to shining sea, is the Cosworth Escort. Built to meet the requirements for FIA accreditation, there were only about 7,100 constructed over its blazing bright 4-year lifespan, and none were ever officially brought to the U.S.. Like professional soccer, WRC racing is less popular here than in countries with less onerous spectator-injury liability laws. And most American motorsport enthusiasts like their racers turning left, just as God and Smokey Yunick decreed. Those were some of the factors that led to our being denied the Cossie and its Ferguson all wheel drive system.

And oh, what we have been missing. Designed to assume the mantle of Ford's WRC contender from the outgoing Sierra Cosworth, the Escort continued that car's reign, racking up wins on multiple continents. The homologation version, of which this '94 ‘Scort is an example, pumped 227 bhp from its Cosworth YBT two litre. The turbo Cossie is a wildly flexible motor and is capable of reaching a Veyron-demeaning 1000 horsepower when its nipples have been fully tweaked. The Escort's not actually able to slow the Earth's rotation, like its cousin the Group B RS200 could, but its got the torque to churn those tires, and the rubber- oh yes, it will get laid.

Sporting a bigger whale tail than even Kim Kardashian bending over to pick up her chihuahua, and with an arrest-me red paint job, this is trouble you can spot from a mile away. You might as well ask it what it's rebelling against, but you know the answer would be. . . What've you got?

Despite its rebel-rebel, you tore your dress attitude, the seller says that it has been semi-tamed and legally imported. The presence of Oregon plates lend credence to that claim as they don't hand those out to just anybody. OZ wheels, Recaro seats, plus a litany of upgrades add to the drool-factor, and once you get behind the fat, leather-wrapped wheel you can pretend you're :

The fifty thousand miles on this Cossie's clock mean some wear and tear has taken place- and the seller notes a sticking window, failing instrument backlight and some other things that that will become immaterial the first time you put your foot into it and have your eyelids flapping against your hairline. Those fiddly bits may be a point of contention working in your favor when negotiating that $26,500 asking price, and the least they could do is replace the shifter boot, which looks like Methuselah's nut sack.

So what about that $26,500? Sure, you could buy a really nice Camry or Accord for that kind of money. You could also spend your life drinking Shirley Temples and letting your mom pick out your underwear, nancy. But this is Jalopnik, and while some of us drive such plebeian appliances out of need, we openly lust after hoontastic rides such as this.

Some may argue that living with such a beast would be like being married to Megan Fox while she has foaming-at-the-mouth rabies. To that we say; hand me that towel.

Some might complain that registering the car in their home state would be next to impossible. To that we say; start packing.

Then there's the thought that, unlike, say a Ferrari, this car lacks the visual punch that tells the layman it is something uniquely special. To that we say; sliding sideways across a neighbor's lawn always leaves an impression.

Lastly, some may just feel that $26,500 is too much loot for this car, even with so much scoot in its boot. To that we say. . .

You decide!

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