You never got enough oversteer from your big wheel as a kid. Your father taught you big motors and tire smoke are guaranteed by the Bill of Rights. The first passage in your bible reads "In the beginning, God created the Hemi and the Earth." You think global warming is not only a crock of crap, but a communist plot against all that is good and pure. You run a drag strip for orphans. You own stock in ExxonMobil.

The rumble of a proper American V8 annoys you. The soft whoosh your Birkenstocks bring when pressed against the pedal of your hybrid makes you put down your wheatgrass smoothie and smile. You think a Japanese crossover is the most responsible automotive investment you can make. You care about depreciation. You are Ed Begley Jr.

• Ford Mustang Shelby GT500

• Pontiac G8 GXP

• E39 BMW M5

• Hunting Polar Bears

· Speed Merchants: Yes

· Fashion Victims: No

· Treehuggers: No

· Mack Daddies: Yes

· Tuner Crowd: No

· Hairdressers: No

· Penny Pinchers: No

· Euro Snobs: No

· Working Stiffs: No

· Technogeeks: No

· Poseurs: No

· Soccer Moms: No

· Nascar Dads: Yes

· Golfing Grandparents: No

Vitals:

· Manufacturer: Dodge

· Model tested: Charger SRT8

· Model year: 2008

· Base Price: $40,015

· Price as Tested: $41,250

· Engine type: 6.1-Liter SRT HEMI SMPI V8 Engine

· Horsepower: 425 hp @ 6000 rpm

· Torque: 420 ft.-lbs. @ 4800 rpm

· Redline: 6000 rpm

· Wheels and Tires: Goodyear Eagle RSA 245/45ZR20 (front) 255/45ZR20 (rear)

· Drive type: rear-wheel drive

· 0 - 60: 5.4 seconds

· 1/4 mile: 13.6 seconds

· Top speed: 165 MPH

· Fuel economy city/highway: 13/18

· NHTSA crash test rating front/side/rollover: 5/5/4

Also See:

Exterior Design: ****Let's not mince words here: The 2008 Dodge Charger SRT8 is the kid that took