Among all the discussion about the new US Postal Service and its new mail delivery vehicle, my beater-addled mind immediately drifted to the idea of hundreds of thousands of well-used Chevrolet S10-based Grumman LLVs coming to market via government surplus auctions all over the country, and what could possibly be done with them. I’d like to lay claim to twenty of them right now for a genius spec racing series idea I’ve had.

These outdated and well-beyond-their-original-use-case LLVs have served their life as postal delivery vehicles, and it’s time for them to retire to a cushy life of crapcan racing at great tracks all over the country. I can think of no greater way for these vehicles to live out their lives than stripped down to the basics, given a thorough nut-and-bolt safety check, have their deferred maintenance taken care of, and fitted with proper racing safety equipment, then beat and banged to within an inch of death across a season or two of racing.

I have it on good authority that a prominent crapcan racing series based here in the United States would be happy to accept this one-make series running as a feeder series to their weekend main event shenanigans. And by that I mean I texted someone at Lemons and they said it was a dumb idea. Perfect! I love dumb ideas, let’s get started!

There’s nothing quite like driving a slow car fast, right? Well, I don’t think you can find anything slower than an Iron-Duke-powered box on wheels. An LLV would probably gain some speed by ripping out the mail racks in the back, and stripping out the cabin to be fitted with racing equipment. I wouldn’t even do anything to upgrade the power in these, to be quite frank. Actually, I might pull a spark plug lead off of one of them just so it would be like going to the go kart place only to be stuck with the horrifyingly slow one. Other than that, just fix what’s broken, fit them with 200 treadwear tires on some aluminum S10 junkyard takeoffs, and try not to roll them over.

This could be a really fun series to run as an arrive-and-drive event for people with more money than time. You just have to be able to not take yourself so serious when you get behind the wheel.

Brands, get at me. You know you want your name tied to this incredibly terrible idea. I promise it’ll get more views than whatever lame tweet your social media intern posted this afternoon. Let’s get a TV deal going!