In this , you could expend your budget of 18-and-a-half-thousand dollars on a well-worn Elantra. Or you could spend your money for real and get something truly in a class of its own: a Zimmer Quicksilver. Specifically, the first Quicksilver registered in these 50 states. I think you know what to do.

Indeed, this example of Paul Zimmer’s Fiero-based, neo-classic “personal luxury car” is up for sale in West Babylon, New York via . Under all that extra bodywork and chrome, this really is a mid-engine Pontiac, with the same 2.6-liter, 140-horsepower V6 and the same three-speed auto. It just happens to look like a Mark IV Continental crossed with an original Toronado.

When new, a Quicksilver cost $48,000 in 1984 — that’s about $129,000 in today’s money — which means the current going price is practically a steal.For that, you got another half of a car grafted to the front of what started as a Fiero, most of which was shockingly, sensibly dedicated to additional .

The Quicksilver was a whopping 29 inches longer than the Fiero and more than 400 pounds heavier, even though its powertrain — and regrettably, the original eight-gallon fuel tank — remained untouched by the coachbuilder.

Rather than performance, all of Zimmer’s efforts went to making the Quicksilver a supremely cushy grand tourer fit only for the most flamboyant marketing executives with the most irritated of nasal cavities. Every swath of lining in the cabin was replaced with leather or wood — save for the floor mats, which were swapped out for high-pile carpet.

As for the exterior, all body panels were replaced with fiberglass while the nose and rear end were subjected to dramatic redesigns — and even that’s putting it mildly. Personally I’ve never held much fondness for the Malaise Era, not even in an ironic sense. But looking at the Quicksilver, I now realize that’s because the likes of Cadillac and Lincoln never took the garishness far enough.

The slanted nose and pop-up headlights of the front combined with the lavish, jewel-like treatment of the taillights out back run totally contrary to the brick-bodied, right-angled big old luxury coupes of yore. None of it should work. It’s like , mashing together several cars into one as a blatant satire of 1980s excess. And yet, I’m into it.

There are but 25,308 miles on this Quicksilver, and you can take a guided tour with a published by WeBe Autos back in May of 2020. We’ve confirmed with the dealer that the car really is still for sale — so none of you reading this have any excuse.